How to Use
attachments
How to Use With Purpose
1.
Find a safe and comfortable place to talk, journal, or reflect by yourself or with a partner.
2.
If you are using the cards with someone else, create a safe space by being present, compassionate, and caring.
3.
Pull a card – write down your thoughts in a journal or discuss your answer out loud. If using with a partner, take turns pulling cards until you feel called to stop.
4.
If necessary, you may skip any cards that are beyond your comfort level.
5.
Write or reflect on one thing you’ve learned about how you relate to others. Using your main takeaway, choose an actionable goal that you can apply to your relationships to move towards a more secure attachment style for the rest of the week.
6.
If using with another person, also share something you learned about your partner and how they relate to others.
7.
When you are done, take a moment to reground yourself. Put away the cards and do a self-care activity by yourself or with a partner.
Card Categories
What are some actions we can take in times of stress when communication becomes difficult?
connection
These questions are a way to learn more about where each one of you is at in your relationship in order to strengthen your connection.
What would you have done differently in your previous relationships?
reflection
The reflection category is broader and addresses more of the root causes of your attachment style and how you relate to others.
What makes you feel insecure in a relationship? What would you need to feel secure?
repair
The repair category looks at your past and a means to bring healing to where there may have been rupture.
What unresolved issues from past relationships continue to show up for you?
rupture
The rupture category is the heaviest in terms of emotional vulnerability. When answering these questions, remember to be gentle with yourself and anyone partaking in the process with you.
Each category serves separate purposes with varying degrees of emotional vulnerability. It is recommended to go in the order of connection, reflection, repair, then rupture. The connection cards are meant to be used with a partner and the reflection, repair, and rupture cards can be used with a partner or individually as a journal prompt.
About Attachment Theory
There are now four distinguished categories in attachment theory being:
Attachment styles are more of a spectrum and we can be a mix of everything based on individual relationships.
No matter where you fall on the spectrum, your attachment style is not stagnant and can be altered through conscious effort. In understanding your behaviors and reframing your beliefs about relationships, change is possible.
The goal is to bring awareness and understanding to destructive patterns and to start embodying ways that will build lasting and meaningful connections that feel safe and secure.
Disclaimer
These cards are not meant to replace therapy, although they are meant to get deep and personal. Share as much or as little as you are comfortable with. The more you are able to reflect and find out about yourself, the more insight you will have to transform your relationships. They are only as effective as you want them to be. Results may vary and can range from deeper connections to even the end of a relationship. Be kind, patient, and loving to yourself and anyone else partaking in this activity with you.
Trigger Warning
These cards may bring up conversations about trauma and/or abuse. If you are having thoughts of self-harm or are in need of additional support, there will be some crisis hotlines included.
Hotlines
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
988 (Text or call)
National Sexual Assault Hotline
(800) 656-4673
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration National Helpline
(800) 662-4357
National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741